Updates

At this point in my life, it looks like I will not be returning to the SCA in any aspect. I just finished going through all of my old posts and re-releasing them to the public. It’s mostly because I’m in the process of sending out my completed book to literary agents and one of them requested a writing resume. Since this blog went on there, I thought I should take the time to make all of the posts viewable.

Here were some things I realized while going through my old posts:

1. The thing that was most important to me in the SCA were the people. I enjoyed the camaraderie of working together in melees to defeat an opponent. I liked hanging out with friends, even though we were hitting each other with sticks and in armor.
2. I was surprised at how many memories it brought back, mostly good.
3. There are still people in the SCA that I would consider my friends, even though I don’t see them anymore.
4. I worked my ass off trying to get good at this sport. Despite getting to know a lot of people, I never had any awards or recognition of my hard work because I never managed to be “good enough” at fighting.
5. One truly toxic person can ruin a really good thing. I spent years covering up his treatment of me in posts. Everything from discouraging remarks to outright telling me I’d never be good enough to “showing me” how to do a shot and then claim I can never get it right. I couldn’t go back and put those comments in the blog all in even if I wanted to. I did make the decision to never mention his name in my posts when I first started posting, even when I naively thought that he had the best intentions for me.
6. Some toxic people are rarely caught if they’re smart because nobody believes it if they don’t see it. And he was a different person at events than in private.
7. I was fiercely loyal to several people in the SCA that I considered to be family, even though some were not in the household I was once a part of. What really ruined the SCA for me was the people who I thought so highly of abandoning me when I was in the greatest need of a friend.
8. My blog is not as old as I thought it was. I thought I had started writing in it back in 2007 when I first started making it a point to go to fight practices regularly. I didn’t start actually writing in it until 2010.
9. I was hoping to find some older entries that “proved” that I didn’t start crying at fight practices until later in my fighting career. All I have is a memory when I was in Northern Outpost when I was just starting out in 2000. A female friend of mine at the time wanted to start fighting, but cried every time she was hit. It boggled my mind at the time to think that it was a thing. But that’s all the “proof” I have.
10. You can believe me or not about the truth of what I wrote here. I doubt I will be seeing any SCAdians in real life again.
11. If you once knew me and want to reconnect, feel free to send a Facebook request. However, if we have a mutual friend of the toxic person, I will not add you. It’s nothing personal, but I have learned over the years that it’s worth dropping a few friendships to keep that toxic person out of my life.
12. I’m hoping that this is all for naught and that the toxic person has found someone else to target. It’s been almost 10 years, so hopefully he has moved on. I know I have.
13. I miss a lot of what I had in the SCA. I wish I could go back and naively believe that people are my friends again. I also don’t want to go back and make new friends worrying that the same thing will happen again someday.
14. Maybe it’s stupid and sentimental, but my heart broke most with the loss all of those friendships. I’m picturing some of those former friends telling themselves, “But I never abandoned you. I never betrayed you.” To those people, I respond, “Did you ever ask me if the lies being told about me were true? Did you ever hear me say I was emotionally abused by a person and then claimed that you weren’t going to take sides? Did you give that person sanctuary denied to me?”

This has been a fun trip down memory lane, but my life has no place in it for the SCA anymore. I’m busy with my new life and it’s been a good one so far. My second husband is a great guy who has been supportive of all of my new endeavors and I am loving being a mother. I’m part of other communities now and have other aspirations. Be well everyone and I wish you all the best with your goals and your future!

~ by Gunnvor on January 28, 2023.