Pennsic XLIV: Monday of War Week

When I tried to get up out of bed this morning, I realized that my back was bad. I could certainly not fight. I postulated that there must be some kind of weather happening soon because it usually doesn’t feel that bad unless there was some kind of precipitation coming.  It stormed later in the evening.   I slowly walked to Serpentius to let our battle commander know I would not be fighting that day.  It hurt to walk.  He was very understanding and told me I was making the right choice.  It didn’t feel like it, but there was no way I could even bend down enough to put on armor at that point.

I took a four hour nap. I had hoped for a change in my back pain with so much rest, but it didn’t help. Fionn stopped by to tell me I made the right choice by not fighting today. It was a rough fight against the Tuchux on some tough terrain. He left not long afterwards.

Then I had another visitor who brought news that affected my personal life negatively.  There were several things at Pennsic this year that affected me personally.  I will not go into specifics, because they ARE personal.  I only mention it when I believe my emotional state is noteworthy.  Needless to say, I spent a long time in my tent upset.  I finally started to calm myself down and the following came to my mind, so I wrote it down.  I find that after something like that happens and I am able to get over it, I tend to do some of my best writing.

What Does It Take To Be A Fighter?

It takes perserverence. Not just the will to never give up, but the will to begin again after giving up.

It takes practice. Working with others and working with yourself constantly and consistently.

It takes drive. The drive to do it when you don’t feel like it. The drive to keep going when you can’t remember why you started in the first place.

It takes strength. Yes, physical strength, but mental and emotional strength to succeed – to overcome long odds in spite of long odds.

It takes wisdom. The wisdom to know when to stop, when to step back, and when to push forward. The wisdom to know when real life should intervene and when to rearrange real life. The wisdom to know when to let things go and when to use those things to push you to be better. The wisdom to know which advice to take and which to leave.

It takes integrity. The integrity to do what you believe is right in spite of everything else. The integrity to keep your word, your oath, your bond.

It takes emotional intelligence. To know when you should not fight for emoational reasons. To you use your emotions when you are able, to help you succeed.

It takes confidence. Confidence in your abilities without being a pretentious asshole. Confidence to know what you can teach and confidence to admit you do not know.

It takes self-knowledge. To not only know where your strengths and weaknesses are, but to know what you can do to maximize your strengths, make up for your weaknesses, and ultimately make your weaknesses into strengths.

It takes tact. The tact to encourage others while still giving good and honest instruction. The tact to know whether soft words, brutal honesty, or a good-natured jest are the most appropriate in a given situation.

Most of all, it takes courage. The courage to do what you must do to do and be all of these things. To be a fighter.

Do I have all of these qualities? Nope. But I am working on it.

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~ by Gunnvor on August 13, 2015.

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